One Year - Sunshine94

One Year - Sunshine94

Review by Han

Title - 4.5/5

I think your title “One Year” fit your fan fiction very well. I took half a point away as it lacks that WOW factor. If I saw it on a long list, being the critique I am, I would have scrolled past it. But it matches your story, so well done!

Appearance - 2.5/5

I like the colour scheme, as blue is Yoona’s favourite colour, however I found your poster to be quite blurry and therefore it didn’t capture my attention as much as I would have hoped. Next time be sure to find more HQ photos.

Forewords - 10/10

Your forewords was well written and informative, something I don’t see very often so well done. I like how you introduced every single character. Great job!

Storyline - 12/15

Your storyline was great! I enjoyed reading it, a lot of twists happened that I didn’t expect which is a great way to capture a reader. Well done!

Story Flow - 8/15

Your story flow was consistent and well paced in the beginning and the middle, however the final chapter annoyed me as it seemed a little rush. For me, the ending is the most important part, it sums up the story and is the last thing a reader will remember about your story, so the ending must always be the best part. Having it a little rushed was a bit disappointing. Also there were a few things that made me stop and re-read and then question (grammar etc.)

For example:

You said: Only Leeteuk was married, and then you say “… that Taeyeon, Sohee, and Hyoyeon are married to them “ and then you say “…I can’t believe that Leeteuk, Heechul, and their wife or girlfriend are going to stay a little longer.” and then you say “…Hyoyeon was Yoona’s age, and she hung out with Yoona, Jessica, and Yuri a lot. It was just so weird to see that one of her best friends was married to her brother.”

I didn’t know what you were trying to say, so I just stuck to your first statement which meant that Sohee and Hyoyeon were only girlfriends. Make sure you re-read and edit your work. Things like this will make readers move on from your story to another one.

Character Development - 15/15

Full marks here! YAY! Your characters were very well developed, each character changed based on their situations and I loved how the characters matured at a reasonable rate throughout. Furthermore, they kept their individuality which is always a good thing.

Descriptions - 4/10

There was minimal description in your story and that was a let down seeing as your characters and storyline were so well developed. There was little imagery in your story and I had to try and create in my mind what the world around the main characters looked like. Although you sometimes gave descriptions of what they were wearing you hardly described the settings, and that in turn can be just as important as the characters.

For example:

You said:“It had a little pond, a large fountain, trees, flowers, and statues everywhere.” 

It could have been: “The garden was spacious, a small pond was located to the far left and a large fountain was the focal point in the middle of the garden. Trees were planted along the right hand side with flowers and statues spread out in different directions.”

You said: “It was a pretty big club” (all clubs are a “pretty big“ especially in the capital city.)

It could have been: “The club was huge, enough to hold a crowd of at least 300 people.”

I’m not saying my examples are perfect examples but you need to put more thought into your descriptions, readers like to have at least a vague idea of what everything looks like rather than trying to imagine the setting and think about the characters at the same time.

Correct Spelling/Grammar - 2/5

There were quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes throughout your story and I’m only going to point out a few.

For example:

You said: “He’s just stupid that he didn’t appreciate you while you were with him,”

It should be: "He's stupid for not appreciating you while you were with him,"

Reason: Grammtically incorrect.

You said: She looked up on the ceiling and sniffled a little.

It should be: She looked up AT the ceiling and sniffled a little.

Reason: Your expression is wrong, you can’t look up ON a ceiling, you can’t look ON anything really. You an look AT something though. Be careful with your expressions as they change the meaning of the entire sentence.

You said: “She had been calling Yoona several times to be sent to voicemail every single time.”

It should be: “She had called Yoona several times, but she was directed to voice mail every single time.”

Reason: You change from present tense to past time in the one sentence and this confuses readers. Try to stay in either PRESENT or PAST tense, don’t alternate between the two.

You said: Yoona grinned to herself as she lounged on a couch as she watched some television.

It should be: Yoona grinned to herself as she watched some television from the comfort of the couch.

Reason: You used AS too many times, making the sentence seem to crowded and confusing.

You said: Yoona was throwing up into a toilet

It should be: Yoona was throwing up into the toilet.

Reason: Unless the family bathroom has more than one toilet you should use THE, A refers to one of many.

You said: “know how you look like”

It is: “know WHAT you look like”

Reason: This one really annoyed me, >_<. HOW is used when you are referring to instructions, like HOW TO or HOW can you? WHAT is used when you are referring to something e.g WHAT is that, WHAT does that sound like, WHAT does that look like.

You said: “adult woman”

It should be: either a woman or an adult

Reason: You can’t be an adult woman, you’re either a woman or an adult because woman is the adult version of girl.

You said: “…they agreed to keep their mouths shut about it.”

It should be: “…they agreed to keep quite about it.“

Reason: “Mouths shut.” seems a bit rude considering she’s talking about her brother and sister-in-law to be.

You said: “pinned the front hair to her head up”

It could be: “she pinned her hair up.”

Reason: The expression is confusing and wrong.

You said: “drove off into her car.”

It should be: “drove off in her car.”

Reason: You made it sound like she drove off and ‘crashed’ into her own car.

Here are a few more phrases that I felt didn’t quite make sense:

“Yoona smiled for real to see that maybe her best friend” (instead of for real you should use something like sincerely.)

“…hated the fact that he could understand at his position.” (I don‘t know what you were trying to say here, do you mean he could understand his current situation?)

“He let me go and promised that he won’t tell Leeteuk or Heechul.” (change of present to past tense)

“but I myself to be at fault, too,” Siwon explained” (I and myself mean the same thing.)

“He quickly looked over and saw that he saw his dear Yoona looking” (use of saw twice is unnecessary )

“went straight to Yoona’s table with Siwon.” (makes it sound like Seunghyun approached Yoona with Siwon, should be Yoon and Siwon’s table.)

“Yoona could do nothing as Seunghyun took her hand and made her exit along with the two men.” (sounds like there were two other men besides Seunghyun and Taeyang.It was probably better to just say “exit along with him and Taeyang.)

“Taeyang waved and said goodbye as he left the couple all alone in the car. He started to drive home as Yoona crossed her arms with anger.” - (Taeyang had gone home, he didn't drive. Saying he after you mentioning Taeyang, makes readers think you’re still talking about Taeyang.)

“He did want to go with to come with her to the doctor’s appointment” (it seemed like you changed your mind half way while writing this, make sure you edit your work.)

“counseled” (counselled)

“signaling” (signalling, I felt you used this word too often, try and find another word.)

“gynecologist“ (gynaecologist)

“shopping center” (shopping centre)

I’ll stop here instead of pointing out all your tiny mistakes. Just be sure you proof read your work. If it helps, read a lot of books to find the correct expressions, or get someone else to read your work before you post it.

Keeping Interest - 5/10

Your story was very interesting and I enjoyed it, after reading your story I had a huge urge to listen to T.O.P’s voice in every Big Bang song I had. >_< However because of all the little mistakes you made I didn’t feel the motivation to continue reading as much as I did in the beginning.

Ending - 3/5

Your overall ending was great, I took marks off because it was rushed.

Bonus Points - 5/5

You get bonus points for utilising AsianFanfics feature to be able to add photos within your text. I enjoyed seeing the photos as they let the readers take a break from words.

You also get bonus points for waiting for so long. We apologise for the delay because of personal reasons maimai was unable to do your request.

FINAL SCORE: 81/100

Thank you for requesting with Eternal Happiness and we hope you request from us again soon!

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Review by Han from Eternal Happiness

[http://eternalhappiness-ww.blogspot.com]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KIM JONGHYUN

They Are My Everything - Reny

They Are My Everything - Reny

Review by yveT.Te

Title: 5/5

There’s nothing wrong with it, which is great. It does have an effect of capturing some of the readers’ attention who are scrolling down through a list of fanfics.

Appearance: 3/5

The font on your poster is quite light and a bit hard to read, perhaps next time use a darker colour for it. The photos in the poster are also a bit blurry. Next time, try finding some high quality pictures to use. A poster can help capture the attention of readers as well as set the overall mood of the fanfic.

Forewords: 7/10

The forewords are short and simple. It does contain a brief introduction of the main character and tells the readers what the story is going to be about. As well as that, you’ve included a quote which can help capture the attention of readers.  

Just a little correction though, “He was 16 but he still got a cute look.” – Instead it should be, “He was sixteen, but he’s still got a cute look.”

Storyline: 13/15

Your plot is very unique and I’ve never read something quite like this before. It was slightly predictable though, as halfway through the one shot I was able to predict that it would just be a dream of some sort.

Story Flow: 14/15

Your one shot flows nicely and is consistent throughout the whole one shot. It doesn’t go too fast so it doesn’t confuse your readers.

Character Development: 13/15

The character development for your main character Chinen is really good. As I’m not familiar with Chinen, I probably won’t understand his character like some of your other readers. However, I did learn a little bit about him through your fanfic.

Descriptions: 7/10

You do have description, which is great but there aren't any descriptions that particularly stand out.  The descriptions you used were quite common such as the word “tall.” You’ve used it frequently throughout your fanfic, but there are other words for this such as “giant” or “large”. Try using a thesaurus to help. It usually gives a greater effect and adds a dynamics to your story.

Spelling/Grammar: 3/5

There are a lot of small mistakes which could easily have been avoided through more editing. Although I didn’t really spot any spelling mistakes, there were quite a few grammatical errors. For example, “He would turn 17 just in a few more hours.” –Instead it should be “He would turn seventeen [in] just a few more hours.” There are quite a few others in your fanfic where words are in the wrong place but again, this could have easily been avoided through more editing and proof reading.

Captivating: 9/10

As I’ve said before, I’ve never read something quite like this. A unique plot is the main component in captivating your audience.

Ending: 3/5

Unforetunately the ending became slightly predictable halfway through the one shot. But the ending was still nice to read.

Bonus Points: 5/5

For requesting with Eternal Happiness. Also, thank you for waiting so patiently! I’m sorry it took a very long time to finish your request. =.=”  All the best with your future fanfictions :3

TOTAL SCORE: 82/100

Thank you for requesting with Eternal Happiness and we hope you request from us again soon!

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Review by yveT.Te from Eternal Happiness

[http://eternalhappiness-ww.blogspot.com]

It's Too Late - Yuuka a.k.a Tikachan

It's Too Late - Yuuka a.k.a Tikachan

Review by Ishwarya

Title – 4/5

You’ve chosen a very apt title for your storyline. However, it is always safe to avoid negativity in your title. With the title, “It’s Too Late” I get a negative impression of your story, which should be avoided.

Appearance - 5/5

A beautiful poster and a pleasant background. Well Done!

Forewords - 5/10

I’m sorry, but your foreword was not well written. I expect a little more of a description and an even more interesting start to your story. As you haven’t completed it yet, take your time to write the forewords. Finish your story, and then edit your forewords.

Storyline - 9/15

I was confused on how to score you in this criterion, as you haven’t completed it yet. But I’ll certainly ask you to work harder because, up until now, your story is like any other love to hate stories I’ve read. All the Best Yuuka!

Story Flow - 8/15

The flow was a bit too slow. This is because you wanted to include every tag bit of detail. Please avoid this. However, if you take my advice and increase your flow in the following chapters, then your story would flow smoothly. So, here’s my suggestion- edit a few parts of your story till now, so that the following chapters won't seem too fast.

Character Development - 10/15

You developed your characters efficiently.

You stuck to your character descriptions, which impressed me.

I could picturise your characters well. That’s an amazing capability.

Descriptions - 7/10

Your descriptions were simple and easy to understand. I assume English is not your first language, so at times, the descriptions did sound pretty weird. But it’s alright. I appreciate your effort to write in English.

Spelling and Grammar - 3/5

I didn’t spot any terrible spelling errors, other than typos. However for your grammar and vocabulary, I’d suggest you to solve a lot of workbooks. Many a times, ornamenting your sentences with complex words, impresses your readers a lot. It gives out a good impression, you know,

Captivating - 6/10

Even though your story is your original creation, but I couldn’t seem to ignore the monotonicity. Do try to include more interesting sequences to make it more captivating.

Ending – N/A

You will be assessed out of 95, as you haven’t ended your story yet.

Bonus Points - 5/5

Thank you for requesting at Eternal Happiness! And I apologize for the delay.

FINAL SCORE: 62/95

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Review done by Ishwarya from Eternal Happiness

[http://www.eternalhappiness-ww.blogspot.com]

Blind Emotions - Silence113

Blind Emotions - Silence113

Review by Ishwarya

Title – 4/5

You’ve chosen a very apt title for your storyline. I’m impressed. When I read your forewords, I understood the meaning of the title. We say, ‘Love is blind’ and so are the emotions. So, your title is really good.

Appearance - 3/5

The poster gives an impression of some movie banner. ^__^ I like it. However, I would have preferred a better use and positions of the pictures. Even the colour could have been a little bit more grayish (this is completely my POV). And, “be happy always” should be ‘always be happy” and “Follow” has been written as “follor”. This is the reason, I deducted 2 marks.

Forewords - 8/10

Your foreword was well written. You gave a proper introduction to the story, and also described the main characters.

I was also impressed with your grammar skills.

The forewords in one of the key points of a story, so, if you mess it up here, readers may lose interest. However, you didn’t do so. You aroused my interest and made me read it till the end.

Storyline - 10/15

Your story has a nice ending. However, we do get a lot of love triangles to read. So your plot wasn’t that outstanding. It was a sweet, cute and a lively description of the lives of three people.

Story Flow - 12/15

The flow was smooth. You did not rush it at all. As it was just five chapters, you could have extended your ending a little more.

Character Development - 10/15

You developed your characters efficiently.

You stuck to your character descriptions, which impressed me.

However, you did not quite describe the looks of your characters. Most of the time, I had to picturise the three main characters by myself, like how they must be looking or how their expressions are. I hope you can correct this flaw.

Descriptions - 7/10

Your descriptions were simple and easy to understand. However, I found it tough to picturise your settings and creation. You could have included some extravagant dream sequences, and invite your readers to be a part of it, by explaining it efficiently.

Spelling and Grammar - 5/5

No flaws at all. There were no spellings, typo or grammatical errors. However, I feel the usage of “yea” or “yeah” is rude. While writing, I generally prefer to write “yup” or”yes”. I noticed that a fellow reviewer has pointed this out; I’d like to second her thought.

Captivating - 7/10

Even though your story was good, and I read it till the end, you know how someone feels when they read almost the same thing every time? That’s what I felt.

Ending - 3/5

A happy ending makes everyone happy.

Bonus Points - 5/5

Thank you for requesting at Eternal Happiness! And I apologize for the delay. Your request was passed onto me, as one of our reviewers left unexpectedly. Anyway, continue to write more, and don’t forget to request again!

FINAL SCORE: 74/100 

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Review done by Ishwarya from Eternal Happiness

[http://www.eternalhappiness-ww.blogspot.com]

Routine - PachesLily

Routine - PachesLily

Review by yveT.Te

Title: 3/5

For a reader who has to scroll through a whole list of other fan fictions, you title doesn’t really seem very eye catching. I have given you points though, as your title is some-what relates to your one-shot.

Appearance: 1/5

Although I’m not too familiar with Asianfanfics’ layout settings, I’m pretty sure that you are able to put at least a poster for your fanfic. This category is mostly based on the fanfiction’s background and/or poster. That being said, since you don’t have a poster or background, I can’t really give you points for this category.

 However, in your case, I’ve decided to mark it on the structure of your one-shot. Here, I’ve particularly looked at the use of paragraphs. The use of paragraphs stops the page from looking so cluttered and messy. It’s also easier to read.

Again, your one-shot looks as if it’s been cramped into one paragraph. I recommend leaving a line before the start of a new paragraph.

Forewords: 4/10

I’ve seen that your one-shot is very short, so you probably didn’t want to be giving too much away.  The purpose of the forewords is to get your readers hooked onto your fanfiction. However, your forewords are really very short. I suggest that you at least add some character descriptions to make it longer.

I have given you points for at least including it at all.

Storyline: 7/15

Despite having a small one-shot, there is a storyline in your fanfiction so I have given you points for that. Although a little cliché, your storyline is very cute and does make sense. Aside from that, I also noticed a little humour. Good job!

Story Flow: 13/15

Your one-shot flowed well. I found that it wasn’t too fast and not too slow either. Just the right pace! 

Well done!

Character Development:  9/15

Within your one-shot, it seems as though Junsu’s character is well more developed compared to Jaejoong. The readers learn more about Junsu’s type of character than Jaejoongs. Remember, getting the readers to understand all your characters equally makes it easier for them to understand what’s happening in your fanfiction.

  

Descriptions: 10/10

You’ve used a lot of various descriptions and they are all very well written and can clearly be pictured in your readers’ minds.

My particular favourite is, “No corner of the room is left empty.” Although it’s a small line, sometimes it’s the small thing that counts.

Great work!

Spelling/Grammar: 4/5

Your spelling was excellent! I didn’t spot a single mistake.

This was probably a typo, but I’ll point it out anyway. In this line, “The sounds of a huff and the shuffling of feet lets he know he has succeeded.”, you’ve written  “he” instead of “him”.

So instead, it should be, “The sounds of a huff and the shuffling of feet lets him know that he has succeeded.”

Also, remember that when a character is talking, it should be inserted to a new line.

Captivating: 8/10

With the use of your wonderful description, it only helps your one-shot to become more captivating. I certainly didn’t sway from reading your one-shot. Well done!

Ending: 4/5

Even though it was predictable and cliché, it was still nice to read it. The little humour at the end was a nice tough and I like how you’ve ended it with, “a kiss that promises so much more before the night is out.”

Bonus Points: 5/5

For requesting at Eternal Happiness! Thank you!

FINAL SCORE: 68/100

Congratulations and Good Luck with your future fanfictions! ;3

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Review done by yveT.Te from Eternal Happiness

[http://www.eternalhappiness-ww.blogspot.com]

A Sweet Black Day - Ginny

A Sweet Black Day by Ginny

Review by x3_strucked

Title: 4/5

I must say but your title is quite an interesting one, it is also quite a confusing one. As a reader, the first time I saw this title I was quite confused, I wondered to myself, is this story angst? Or was this story a ‘black’ humour? Or was this story a ‘sweet’ romance? These are one of those titles that really mess up with your head because you can’t tell what the story portrays when reading the title. And that’s a good thing because you want to keep a good level of suspense for the readers, in doing so, readers will want to click on the title to read the story. If I was one of these readers, I would pretty much do the same, so good job.  But I do hope that this title somewhat represents the plot of the story, because as much as titles go, random titles are a bit on the down side.

Appearance: 3.5/5

I can’t exactly say that the appearance of your entire fanfic was appealing, but it was simple and that is a good path that you as an author has chosen to set forward to. The thing I’m most bothered about when reading winglin fanfics is that most fanfics have backgrounds that are so complicated that it completely overshadows the text of the story. I myself don’t think readers would bother wanting to read a fanfic with such colourful backgrounds because the text clearly becomes unreadable. Yours was exactly not the case, the background was a simple black colour and the text was pink, simple and it also in a way represents the poster and plot. But looking at the background, I sort of felt that it would be a dark/angst sort of story seeing the black background.

Your poster was a bit shabby in a way, there weren’t really much colours to really appeal to me and adding the dull and moody background that represented it, I clearly did not find it very attractive. But after much thought, it was still attractive in a way, I guess the simplicity of the poster and the colours in it represented the plot in a way. The poster didn’t grab my attention but it was soft and gentle in my eyes and I quite enjoyed the overall appearance of it even though the colours were quite basic.

Forewords: 7/10

The foreword is quite an important part of the story, it brings together everything and conveys the plot in a simple and straightforward manner without leaving too much spoilers. Your foreword was something that I’ve seen a few times but usually quite rare, I mean it’s quite rare to find a foreword entirely focused on the author’s note without giving any details on the plot or characters. That’s not a necessary thing, don’t worry, it’s not in the fanfic law to have a description and plot in the foreword. But I definitely think readers do need to have a clearer idea of the plot before reading the story. But I guess in a way, your story doesn’t exactly NEED a plot description in the foreword since it’s quite a short-chaptered fic. And plus, it creates more suspense together with the rather interesting poster.

Storyline: 13/15

I quite liked the storyline and thank god that the plot and the title connected with each other. Well anyway, yes the plot of the story was quite an original I have to say. It’s quite beautiful how the story is all centred on a certain day and even ended with that same day. And that gives it its uniqueness because this day is the significant day where they discovered their love and it ends with the day where love finally conquers all. In a way, this day in the story is quite unique as the day itself is based around the celebration of “singleness” not love or “togetherness”. It is only because of this day that they had realized their love for each other and thanks to this day, they had finally ended together.

I guess I could say that this is a cliché-like storyline but it has its own uniqueness and originality as a plot that most stories don’t have.  

Flow: 12/15

The flow of the story was I guess, quite pleasant and readable. I must say that as a romance story based on two characters only, there should be more screen time for both characters. When I read the story, it felt like I was just reading from one person’s perspective and that was Ginny’s. I guess that’s okay but as a author you should include both perspectives of the main characters so readers can relate to them in an equal manner. Because Jaejoong had been away most of the time in the story, it was hard to develop a connection with him, it was hard to understand his character because there really wasn’t much described about his past. But otherwise, the flow I must say was pleasant and straightforward.

Character Development: 11.5/15

As I have said from the top, there were bits here and there that felt quite empty that could have been filled up in the story. You gave us the past moments shared between Ginny and Jaejoong, but you never shared with us their personalities, their emotions and how it all affected their life and their love. In the story, Jaejoong was portrayed as a cold and private guy, who only opened up to Ginny. But there was no clear description on why he was like this, did he have personal issues? Did he have a family conflict? And why did he open up to Ginny out of every girl in the world? I understand that he felt sorry for Ginny since she got bullied in the school, but I feel that “pity” would be a poor explanation on how he fell in love with her. But I guess questions like those matter and don’t matter in a way, as long as the character is there and is portrayed well. And your story did it swiftly and quickly.

Descriptions: 7.5/10 

A story has to have a balance between description and dialogue, description is the more important one as it is the main thing that describes all the emotions, the setting, the appearance and the conflict. The dialogue just guides the description in a way, but both have to have a balance in order to get a good fanfic. An uneven balance is a big no, too much description will easily bore a reader, and too much dialogue will easily look too much like a script. The key is finding the balance.

Your story had a balance between description and dialogue, a bit uneven but it was there. I found your story leaning a bit too much on dialogue but it was good, because I think too much descriptions wouldn’t really contribute much to the story. The story needed dialogue more because there were more talk than emotions and descriptions. Most of the descriptions were already described in the first chapter because all the past events were had been taken place.

Correct/Spelling Grammar: 4/5 

Your spelling and vocabulary were quite nearly perfect, I don’t think I found any mistakes in your spelling during the chapters that read. Though I must make a strong note about your grammar, it’s okay I have to say, I can’t say your grammar is correct or absolutely fabulous because it simply can’t be defined that way. What I can say is that your grammar can be improved to get to being perfect, the thing that’s stopping you is your mix up with present and past tense.

Take this for example:

Why did I let myself lost the bag?

It should have been…

Why did I let myself lose the bag?

Because of your incorrect use of present and past tense, the sentence may not look its best since it doesn’t make sense. What you should start doing is to either start getting a beta reader to read over your chapters for you or get a spell checker. But the most important thing is TO KEEP WRITING, because that way you will improve your writing AND grammar!

Keeping Interest: 8/10 

I totally don’t know what this category is but I think I have a vague idea. Well if this is asking me if your story kept my interest in it stable and flowing, then I must say it did. It really did, I guess it’s because of the absence of Jaejoong that motivated me into reading into the end. I would have anyway, but the fact that Jaejoong never returned until the end of the chapter was what kept the suspense going, it motivated me and kept me going.

I must say that the middle chapters were quite dull, but were quite important towards the plot and the past of the story so I found it quite important to understand it before getting towards the ending. And I must say, the ending was perfect, a bit of a cliché with the ex-girlfriend thing. I felt the situation with the girlfriend was quite a forced way into proclaiming Jaejoong’s love for Ginny. Maybe a conflicted situation would have been more suited to the ending, maybe an accident? Or something romantic? Situations like these are good ways to round up the ending, I feel that the ex-girlfriend would have best been of conflict during the middle chapters of a fanfic.

Ending: 4/5 

Simple, straightforward and rounded everything to a point. Pleasant I must say.

Bonus: 5/5 

I wanted to add this bonus for such an interesting setting for a plot, this whole black day situation was what drove the story. It drove their love, and it helped them get together in the end. What an interesting way to describe the happenings of a relationship between a guy and a girl, common ways would be love at first sight or opposites attract. Yours took it to a different approach, good job.

Total: 79.5/100

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I hope that this result won’t make you lose your hope in writing, I did my best to provide a honest and constructive review and honestly, I believe this mark is a very good mark to begin with. What you need to do is just improve on it, so please don’t let this get in the way of you writing. Remember no fanfic is perfect, every fanfic has its ups and downs. Remember to practice and write more because it WILL help you improve.

x3_strucked

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Review done by x3_strucked at Eternal Happiness

[www.eternalhappiness-ww.blogspot.com]