Last Snow - Melody0606

Last Snow - Melody0606

Review by Ishwarya

Title - 3/5

Where did your 2 marks go? Well, here’s the reason-

1-      Till now, I couldn’t find any relation with your story title and your storyline. I couldn’t refer to any snowy/winter conditions. But, it’s alright, as you still have to complete your fictional story.

2-      Your title is very simple and ordinary. If your story was included in a list of fiction stories, I wouldn’t select your story. Moreover, the title doesn’t reflect on any of the tags- angst/mystery/vampire .

Appearance – 2.5/5

You requested a poster from BANGBANGVIP, and you didn’t request for an equally beautiful background? A background (preferably a dark one) is advised. It will help to enhance the angst/mystery emotion you wish to create.

As for the poster, it is always better to opt for ULZZANGS when you have OCs as the main characters. In doing so, you help your readers imagine your main character as the ULZZANG in your poster. By opting for Seohyun and Sunny, you have confused your readers. This may lead them to imagine your main characters as the SNSD stars. You have also mentioned that the SHINee boys are present in your fic, why didn’t you include them in the poster?

Anyway, BANGBANGVIP has done a good job. I like the colors and the brushes used. However, I wish the font of the title was a better one. The current font looks pretty simple.

Forewords - 8/10

First of all, avoid using animes! You used Seohyun and Sunny in your poster, and now animes for your character description. You are just confusing everyone.

 ‘There's good and there's bad. That's the way things have always been. People don't just blur those lines for fun. They blur them to wreak havoc, to cause misery, to destroy who you are. Just like they destroyed me. They don't know me, and I certainly don't know them, but this wall of separation was enough for them to act. It was enough for them to attack.’

This excerpt was really thought provoking. Very good!

Storyline -12/15

As a reviewer, I have read hundreds of mystery related fictional stories. And I’m very happy to inform you that your story is amongst the good ones. I won’t deny the fact that I wasn’t expecting much after I saw your poster and read your foreword. But you caught me off-guard from the second chapter onwards. Keep up your good work!

SUGGESTION- Don’t stretch your story like a few K-dramas. Don’t make it too obvious. And don’t make it too confusing like Inception. ;-) (No offence to anything mentioned.)

Story Flow - 13/15

Your flow is very balanced. It is neither fast nor slow. However, reduce your chapter size. For example, chapters 5 and 6 are extremely lengthy. When seeing lengthy chapters, your readers may automatically feel fatigued to read the whole thing. So I suggest that you reduce your chapter length.

Character development - 12/15

You have your characters clearly portrayed in your mind. You know exactly when to introduce a character, how to make them react, and you even add a quirkiness in their behavior. This is really praiseworthy. And I really appreciate the fact that you didn’t make the SHINee boys appear as cute, fluffy little things who need to be loved by dark, mysterious women. They have an aura of their own, which brings out the fact that they are matured men. However, a little aegyo wouldn’t hurt. Would it? (SHAWOLness STRIKE!!!)

Descriptions - 9/10

Like I mentioned above, your story has a good flow. And hence, the descriptions are good too. If it were to be too fast, then you wouldn’t allow the readers to imagine the situations and the settings. And if it were to be too slow, your readers would be bored. However, because you have a good flow and good writing skills, you have described the situations, the surroundings and your characters very well.

Correct Spelling/Grammar - 4/5

I didn’t catch any errors. KUDOS! You have a good command over the English language. And like always, I’ll advice you to expand your vocabulary. I spotted very few complex words.

Keeping Interest - 9/10

Interest? Sorry. Very much interested in what happens next. ^____^

Ending – N/A

Since, your story is incomplete; your full marks will be 95.

Bonus points: 5/5

Keep it up! Do request for a review when you have completed your story!

FINAL SCORE: 77.5/95



Thank you for requesting with Eternal Happiness and we hope you request from us again soon!

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Review by Ishwarya from Eternal Happiness

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