Perfect Lover - babeyelmo

Perfect Lover - babeyelmo

Review by Ishwarya

 

Title - 3/5

Your title is short, simple and sweet. Even though it suits your storyline, I deducted 2 marks because it is not eye-catching. If I were to scroll down a list of story names, I would skip your story. The reason for this being, that the title is common and I would definitely tell myself that it’s the same romantic stories.

Definitely tell myself that it’s the same romantic stories.

Appearance - 3/5

Your poster is too bright and not pleasing to the eyes. I recommend your poster to have a more calming/comical aura. Afterall, your genre is Romance and comedy.

However, I will give you points as your poster contains the main characters.

Forewords - 5/10

Your foreword was short, considering that it was a story containing 20 chapters. +2 points for including all the main details a reader has to know before starting.

I have deducted marks for your poor grammar skills. The forewords in one of the key points of your story, so, if you mess it up here, readers may lose interest. I know I did.

Storyline - 10/15

Although your story had quite a predictable ending, the storyline was captivating. Atleast, I noticed, that your readers stayed put till the end of your fiction.

The meetings of the main characters, flowed with your story quite well, making it sound realistic. You did a great job in scripting the plot, which lessens the obviousness and boredom. But there is still more room for originality to cover the commonness. 

I’d like to mention a particular point here. When Yuri introduced Jiyoung ‘the plushy’ to her neighbor, how come the neighbor ajhumma could not realize the fact that the ‘plushy’ Jiyoung, looked exactly like her nephew Jiyoung?

This was an error in your plot. So always be careful while penning your script.

Story Flow - 12/15

It was too slow and too fast. You did not balance the flow of your story well.

For example, you could have given more instances or situations to show the jealousy building up in Jiyoung. And you could have lessened the school sequences. I feel that you should have emphasized more on the relationship between TOP and his sister SooHyun and Soohyun and Yuri.

Character Development - 13/15

You developed your characters efficiently.

You stuck to your character descriptions, which impressed me.

Kwon JiYoung was a plushy, a human with no feelings, but the way you described the emergence of feelings in him was commendable.

Yuri being a teenage had conflicts in her mind about the person she wanted. Again, impressive.

However, I also noticed that you completely altered her friends name from ‘SooHyun’ to ‘Soo Hyung’. I’ll take it as a typo error.

Sticking to your outline of characters is very important, and you have done well. Keep it up!

Descriptions - 7/10

Your descriptions were simple and easy to understand. However, I found it tough to picturize your settings and creation. It looked more like a dark plot rather than a romantic and fluffy one. You could have included some extravagant dream sequences, and invite your readers to be a part of it, by explaining it efficiently.

Spelling and Grammar - 1/5

There were just too many errors in each and every chapter.

For example,

Yuri shot her eyes open and slam her siren alarm clock to the ground. She yawn and stretch on her bed before getting up to wash her face. After she got dress she got on her computer to check her Perfect Lover account. She scroll down to crushes. Zero.

Should be..

“Yuri opened her eyes and slammed her alarm to the ground. She yawned and stretched on her bed before getting up to wash her face. After she got dressed she sat before her desktop to check her ‘Perfect Lover’ account. She scrolled down to the ‘crushes’ area. Zero.”

I hope you could understand what I mean. Your tenses went hay-wire in the first paragraph of your story. There were similar errors everywhere. Please work on your grammar and improve your skills.

 Captivating - 7/10

I’m sorry. Even though your story was good, and I read it till the end, the numerous grammatical errors turned me off. I was busy re-reading your sentences, than enjoying your story.

Ending - 3/5

If you would have ended with Jiyoung’s death, you might have received more points. With the introduction of the ‘nephew’ Jiyoung, you seriously made the plot more predictable. Nevertheless, well done!

Bonus Points - 5/5

Thank you for requesting at Eternal Happiness!

FINAL SCORE: 69/100