Review by yveT.Te
Title - 5/5
Short, simple and sweet. I like it! It matched your one shot well and you have related it into your storyline.
Short, simple and sweet. I like it! It matched your one shot well and you have related it into your storyline.
Appearance - 3/5
It is quite simple and does not have anything too special or unique. However, I will give you marks as your colour scheme of grey and white do, in a way, symbolise snow. I recommend you have a poster having including at least the two main characters of your one shot. This so that readers would have a clearer image of them, even though you did include a character list in your forewords. There are some really good sites out there to request for posters, so don't be afraid.
It is quite simple and does not have anything too special or unique. However, I will give you marks as your colour scheme of grey and white do, in a way, symbolise snow. I recommend you have a poster having including at least the two main characters of your one shot. This so that readers would have a clearer image of them, even though you did include a character list in your forewords. There are some really good sites out there to request for posters, so don't be afraid.
Forewords - 7/10
A little bit short but I can understand as it is only for a one shot. Although you did include a short description for your one shot, your characters were not properly introduced. I know that you’ve included an introduction to some characters within your storyline. However, because it’s a one shot, not everything can be included within the storyline and it is important for readers to have a very clear understanding of who your characters are, especially since they don’t appear in your poster. I know that you don’t want to be giving too much away and the element of surprise is a nice factor for some readers, there are other readers who would prefer a sound understanding of the characters even before the story starts. On the other hand, I like how you’ve quoted a song!
A little bit short but I can understand as it is only for a one shot. Although you did include a short description for your one shot, your characters were not properly introduced. I know that you’ve included an introduction to some characters within your storyline. However, because it’s a one shot, not everything can be included within the storyline and it is important for readers to have a very clear understanding of who your characters are, especially since they don’t appear in your poster. I know that you don’t want to be giving too much away and the element of surprise is a nice factor for some readers, there are other readers who would prefer a sound understanding of the characters even before the story starts. On the other hand, I like how you’ve quoted a song!
Storyline - 14/15
I have not read anything quite like this before, so I think it is unique and special. Although it had a somewhat predictable ending, it still had quite a captivating storyline that would make readers want to read until the very end.
I have not read anything quite like this before, so I think it is unique and special. Although it had a somewhat predictable ending, it still had quite a captivating storyline that would make readers want to read until the very end.
The first meeting and interactions with each character flowed smoothly into your storyline, making it sound very realistic.
There was also a part in your storyline which confused me. In one of your paragraphs you wrote “Kyuhyun escorted her towards the front door with Donghae trailing closely behind them.” And that “Donghae and Kyuhyun smiled politely at everyone, quickening their pace for a calm exit.” But in the immediate following paragraph you wrote “Donghae had been standing in the exact same place where he lost Taeyeon.” Were you meant to write Jonghyun’s name instead of Donghae’s in the first paragraph? Sometimes, even the smallest detail counts.
Story Flow - 14/15
Your one shot seemed to flow quite well and smooth, although I do believe it picked up a bit of pace as it progressed.
Your one shot seemed to flow quite well and smooth, although I do believe it picked up a bit of pace as it progressed.
As a reader, I probably would have liked to know more on how the relationship between Kim Taeyeon and Lee Donghae formed since they are your two main characters. I know that at the start you have written that Donghae had a crush on Taeyeon first and that “transitioning from friends to lovers took more than a few steps,” but what were these steps? What was Taeyeon’s reaction when she found out that Donghae had a crush on her for so long? Didn’t Taeyeon have a crush on Choi Siwon at first? Did this happen after the drinking incident?
However, the start had a really good flow as you explained how Donghae developed his crush on Taeyeon and that it “took more than a few steps, more than he would’ve liked”. It was humours and also gives the reader a little insight of what this particular character’s personality might be like.
Character Development - 14/15
With a lot of one shots, it is hard for most readers to really feel close to all characters. In your one shot, I can see that you have done your best to give readers an insight of who your characters are. However, I did feel that some of your characters were more developed than others. For example, compared to the other two pairs in your story, we don’t learn very much about how Jonghyun and his girlfriend met. Although, you explained how the other couples came to be.
With a lot of one shots, it is hard for most readers to really feel close to all characters. In your one shot, I can see that you have done your best to give readers an insight of who your characters are. However, I did feel that some of your characters were more developed than others. For example, compared to the other two pairs in your story, we don’t learn very much about how Jonghyun and his girlfriend met. Although, you explained how the other couples came to be.
Overall, your characters were well characterized, consistent and seemed very real throughout the one shot.
Descriptions - 9/10
You have included enough descriptions to make readers see a clear image of what is going on in your one shot and how each of the characters are feeling. That is great!
You have included enough descriptions to make readers see a clear image of what is going on in your one shot and how each of the characters are feeling. That is great!
However, I feel that you could have used more imagery regarding what your characters looked like. There might be readers out there who might not know your characters at all. As well as that, it is important because as I said before, your characters are not pictured on your poster. Imagery is also an important technique in general, as it adds more depth to your story and characters.
Although, my favourite description was the “Asian stereotype of a nerd.”
Spelling/Grammar - 5 /5
Full points for this one! I did not spot a single spelling mistake whatsoever. The sentence structure and layout of your one shot was also very good, along with your grammar.
Full points for this one! I did not spot a single spelling mistake whatsoever. The sentence structure and layout of your one shot was also very good, along with your grammar.
I liked how you included a rhetorical question, “Transitioning from friends to lovers took more than a few steps, more than he would’ve liked but at least they were together now, right?”
This gives the reader something to think about and pay more attention to your storyline.
This gives the reader something to think about and pay more attention to your storyline.
Well done!
Captivating - 10/10
The way you write is very captivating. My eyes were glued to the computer screen reading your one shot. You have written this one shot very well, making readers read this with their eyes wide open and wanting to know what is going to happen next.
The way you write is very captivating. My eyes were glued to the computer screen reading your one shot. You have written this one shot very well, making readers read this with their eyes wide open and wanting to know what is going to happen next.
Ending - 5/5
“This was all he could give to her, a tender kiss that she felt from head to toe. It was the feeling of his entirety that he relayed to her, his everything that she now had.”
“This was all he could give to her, a tender kiss that she felt from head to toe. It was the feeling of his entirety that he relayed to her, his everything that she now had.”
Those few lines were a really great way to end your one shot. Although it was just a common kiss, you have written it in a way to make it sound as if it was something very beautiful and meaningful. You have also managed to incorporate the title/song “Just Like Now” into your one shot.
Bonus Points - 5/5
Full marks here for requesting with Eternal Happiness and your fan fiction being the first I have ever reviewed. Not only that, but opening up my ears to this nice song. Thank you!
Full marks here for requesting with Eternal Happiness and your fan fiction being the first I have ever reviewed. Not only that, but opening up my ears to this nice song. Thank you!
FINAL SCORE: 91/100
Congratulations and all the best with your future fan fictions! ^___^
Congratulations and all the best with your future fan fictions! ^___^
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Review done by yveT.Te from Eternal Happiness [www.eternalhappiness-ww.blogspot.com]
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