They Are My Everything - Reny

They Are My Everything - Reny

Review by yveT.Te

Title: 5/5

There’s nothing wrong with it, which is great. It does have an effect of capturing some of the readers’ attention who are scrolling down through a list of fanfics.

Appearance: 3/5

The font on your poster is quite light and a bit hard to read, perhaps next time use a darker colour for it. The photos in the poster are also a bit blurry. Next time, try finding some high quality pictures to use. A poster can help capture the attention of readers as well as set the overall mood of the fanfic.

Forewords: 7/10

The forewords are short and simple. It does contain a brief introduction of the main character and tells the readers what the story is going to be about. As well as that, you’ve included a quote which can help capture the attention of readers.  

Just a little correction though, “He was 16 but he still got a cute look.” – Instead it should be, “He was sixteen, but he’s still got a cute look.”

Storyline: 13/15

Your plot is very unique and I’ve never read something quite like this before. It was slightly predictable though, as halfway through the one shot I was able to predict that it would just be a dream of some sort.

Story Flow: 14/15

Your one shot flows nicely and is consistent throughout the whole one shot. It doesn’t go too fast so it doesn’t confuse your readers.

Character Development: 13/15

The character development for your main character Chinen is really good. As I’m not familiar with Chinen, I probably won’t understand his character like some of your other readers. However, I did learn a little bit about him through your fanfic.

Descriptions: 7/10

You do have description, which is great but there aren't any descriptions that particularly stand out.  The descriptions you used were quite common such as the word “tall.” You’ve used it frequently throughout your fanfic, but there are other words for this such as “giant” or “large”. Try using a thesaurus to help. It usually gives a greater effect and adds a dynamics to your story.

Spelling/Grammar: 3/5

There are a lot of small mistakes which could easily have been avoided through more editing. Although I didn’t really spot any spelling mistakes, there were quite a few grammatical errors. For example, “He would turn 17 just in a few more hours.” –Instead it should be “He would turn seventeen [in] just a few more hours.” There are quite a few others in your fanfic where words are in the wrong place but again, this could have easily been avoided through more editing and proof reading.

Captivating: 9/10

As I’ve said before, I’ve never read something quite like this. A unique plot is the main component in captivating your audience.

Ending: 3/5

Unforetunately the ending became slightly predictable halfway through the one shot. But the ending was still nice to read.

Bonus Points: 5/5

For requesting with Eternal Happiness. Also, thank you for waiting so patiently! I’m sorry it took a very long time to finish your request. =.=”  All the best with your future fanfictions :3

TOTAL SCORE: 82/100

Thank you for requesting with Eternal Happiness and we hope you request from us again soon!

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Review by yveT.Te from Eternal Happiness

[http://eternalhappiness-ww.blogspot.com]

It's Too Late - Yuuka a.k.a Tikachan

It's Too Late - Yuuka a.k.a Tikachan

Review by Ishwarya

Title – 4/5

You’ve chosen a very apt title for your storyline. However, it is always safe to avoid negativity in your title. With the title, “It’s Too Late” I get a negative impression of your story, which should be avoided.

Appearance - 5/5

A beautiful poster and a pleasant background. Well Done!

Forewords - 5/10

I’m sorry, but your foreword was not well written. I expect a little more of a description and an even more interesting start to your story. As you haven’t completed it yet, take your time to write the forewords. Finish your story, and then edit your forewords.

Storyline - 9/15

I was confused on how to score you in this criterion, as you haven’t completed it yet. But I’ll certainly ask you to work harder because, up until now, your story is like any other love to hate stories I’ve read. All the Best Yuuka!

Story Flow - 8/15

The flow was a bit too slow. This is because you wanted to include every tag bit of detail. Please avoid this. However, if you take my advice and increase your flow in the following chapters, then your story would flow smoothly. So, here’s my suggestion- edit a few parts of your story till now, so that the following chapters won't seem too fast.

Character Development - 10/15

You developed your characters efficiently.

You stuck to your character descriptions, which impressed me.

I could picturise your characters well. That’s an amazing capability.

Descriptions - 7/10

Your descriptions were simple and easy to understand. I assume English is not your first language, so at times, the descriptions did sound pretty weird. But it’s alright. I appreciate your effort to write in English.

Spelling and Grammar - 3/5

I didn’t spot any terrible spelling errors, other than typos. However for your grammar and vocabulary, I’d suggest you to solve a lot of workbooks. Many a times, ornamenting your sentences with complex words, impresses your readers a lot. It gives out a good impression, you know,

Captivating - 6/10

Even though your story is your original creation, but I couldn’t seem to ignore the monotonicity. Do try to include more interesting sequences to make it more captivating.

Ending – N/A

You will be assessed out of 95, as you haven’t ended your story yet.

Bonus Points - 5/5

Thank you for requesting at Eternal Happiness! And I apologize for the delay.

FINAL SCORE: 62/95

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Review done by Ishwarya from Eternal Happiness

[http://www.eternalhappiness-ww.blogspot.com]